I miss you so much, it is literally tearing me down little brother, and this time you are not there to drag me back up. There are a lot of things that I am learning here lately, and even though it really hurts, I know we had our own special bond. But I don't know how to deal. I think the silence of ppl is killing me more than if they came right out and told me the truth. Why did you have to go? OMG why did this have to happen? I usually don't question things like this, but the chaos, hatred, and heartache that you being killed has brought on, well I just don't see the lesson. I need you so bad right now, and I don't know how to reach you except one way, but I have a son now, and I love him more than life itself. God I wish you were here to see him. I know what was said before, but I know you more than most, and you would love him so much! It is just now hitting home that you are not ever gonna be here. I don't know why it took so long for my grieving process to begin, but please help me through it. For the sake of me and my son. I don't want to lose it Randell, why can't you be here? What am I suppose to do?