DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS? when is your number up, or someone you love? I am not trying to have a pity party on myself, like many of you who take the time to read this is gonna think, but I just want to put the realization on you of what I am going through. And the point is if I am going through all of this, imagine other people and what they COULD be going through....... In November of "05" one of my best friends, whom I considered like a little brother, died in a car accident ( Ned Anderson ). He was only 17. I was so devistated and I handled it in a negative way, always partying and not giving a shit about anything. Driving wrecklessly and taking very un-neccesary risks. Then in March of "06" my grandfather died. Granted we were not close, but it was still a tragic event in my life, and in my family's life. A month later my Grandmother, whom is really like my mother, had an anurism and had surgery. She ended up having to be taken care of in a nursing facility for almost a year, before God finally took her home, February of "07". I didn't think things could get any worse than that. In fact in August I found out I was gonna have a baby. This put me on the straight and narrow. I admit I was going down the wrong road and hitting druglife pretty harshly. Getting pregnant, I thought, was gonna be the turn around in my life and everything was gonna get good. Then in October of "07", my brother tragically, and unfairly, had his life taken from him. I would have died too if I was not pregnant. I know U know this is true. I didn't get to properly mourn my brother because a lot of things started going on with my mother and my brother's girlfriend, and I had to be there for my mom mostly, plus stay strong and healthy for my unborn child. When he was born March 13th of this year, it was the happiest day of my life so far. Shortly after this, a week in fact, I wake up one morning to my mom telling me my trailer (the one I rent out) was on fire. I get up and go down to the place and have to watch it go up in flames and smoke. This was the most sentimental thing I had to hold on to my brother with. For he re'designed and re'modeled the inside of it, and spent a LOT of money doing it. Don't get me wrong, I know a family living there lost all of their things in the fire. But no one ever considered how I might feel. I stood alone on the side of the road in shock and crying, no one ever came up to me except some lady I didn't even know, which I found out later was a dumb ass reporter that couldn't even get the story straight in the news paper. Not only was this a memory loss to me, but it was also a source of income, which is devistating to lose when you just had a baby. On top of all this I have to stay home a lot of the time, even before baby was born, to help my mom, whom is sick herself with a terminal illness, called pancreatitis. It eats the pancreas, and after that, she is gonna die. How much time does she have, who knows. She is going through a rough time being sick, and being angry over the death of her only son, and many aspects of that event. Close to having a nervous breakdown. She feels abandoned by a lot of people who claim to care for her because some of them are afraid to come around her in fear of not being to handle her emotional state. That is a cop out by the way. She needs you people now more than ever, not "when she gets better". What if there isn't time for that? You never know when you are gonna die, or the other person. Then a few days ago, I find out my son has cystic fibrosis, a genetic disease that attacks the lungs and pancreas. It is also noncurrable and terminal. What did a new born child do to deserve this? Aren't they innocent? I'm not saying I am giving up on my son. I am ready for the fight of my life to make sure he has the best life he can while he is here. I am going through a lot, and no one ever sees me cry or my true emotion because I "cry alone" and don't let people see my true feelings. For you who have known me for a long time, you know this is how I work. But it would be nice to see that some people really are there for me. I don't even mean for me to sob or cry on your shoulder. Like people make plans then break them at last minute with a dumb ass looking glass excuse. Or, on those days, like I had one recently, when I call all my friends in my phone and everyone is too busy to stop by for a half hour to keep me company because I am having an emotional day. I am sure I am not alone in this. Everyone has their share of problems. Some may be worse than this, and some may feel worse than this, but everyone needs someone right? Not even all the time, just every once in a while. Tell people how you feel about them or show them you care because you never know when your or their NUMBER IS UP God Bless You All! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope you will do the same for me and all the ones you love and care about. LOVE ALWAYS, Kimberly